Your mouth is God's brothel.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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