I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
