If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
