He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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