Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
