she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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