Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
