One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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