Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
