How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
