Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
