Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
