I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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