Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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