I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
