dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
