I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
