Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
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so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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