He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
