You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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