I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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