Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
