I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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