I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
