The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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