sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
