while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
