Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
