so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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