Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
