She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
