It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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