I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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