is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
