i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
