do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
