Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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