i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
