just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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