oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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