I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
