Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
