those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
