We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
