Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
