I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
