Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
