Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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