I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
