he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
