how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
