i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
