On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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