do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
