Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
