we're blogging at a bar
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
