She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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