I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
