I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I intend to get homeless drunk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
