My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
