My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
