birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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