I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
