i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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