He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
