Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize