dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cockslap morals
You can't motorboat a personality
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
