the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
