He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
