there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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