benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
