Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
