pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
