I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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